


The reluctant villain and his murder husband

by makeyamad, MassiveSpaceWren



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Humor, Identity Porn, M/M, make it double identity porn, mentioned - Freeform, mentions of depression, not really a villian au, the author tried, we are taking canon and baking a upside down cake with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 07:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16530086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makeyamad/pseuds/makeyamad, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/pseuds/MassiveSpaceWren
Summary: When Bucky went undercover at SI, he figured it will be an in-and-out job. Unfortunately, his boss's life is a soap opera and every week some one new is out to kill him. And then, Bucky took over Tony-sitting from Pepper Potts; Steve showed up.Oh look it's everybody's favourite God: Loki! (Bucky is not paid enough for this shit.)Art by MassiveSpaceWrenFic by makeyamad





	The reluctant villain and his murder husband

  
"Hey mom! Sorry 'bout being late. Had an announcement to make. You know I'd like to visit you more often. The company had been keeping me busy. Not anymore! Pepper's gonna take care of that. Me? I've got Jimmy! Not Rhodey ; Bairns . This guy's a one armed wonder. I offered to build him a new arm. You know what he said? 'I can't afford you Mr. Stark'! Who ever turns down a free arm ?", Tony paused his rant to wave at the white haired gentleman passing by. The guy hurried away as fast as his walker would let him, making Tony chuckle.  


"Oh! I also picked up this new hobby! Not drugs. I know how you feel about them. I swear this thing is as addictive as they were, " Tony sighed,"and just as damaging to the body." Tony brightened,"atleast I'm doing good! You wouldn't think that if you saw the kind of things the media calls my hobby. I blame J. Jonah Jameson for that. Dunno what's his beef with mask wearing vigilantes.He actually goes easy on me compared to Spidey. Poor kid....And.." a voice interrupted Tony before he could continue,"Coming!", Tony called out.  


His new P.A. was like a homing device; Tony was sure he'd track him down to hell if he had to. "I wish we'd listened to you when you told us not to trust Stane", Tony rubbed the petals of the rose in his hand. "Maybe you'd still be with me", he dropped the pink rose on the white marble headstone.  
  


Standing up, he dropped a white rose on the nearby grave,"Howard. Let's be real. You were a resounding failure as a dad. But I shouldn't have blamed you for mom's death. It was your secretly-HYDRA business partner. My bad". He swiped his eyes and chuckled," Looks like I'm gonna be joining you soon pops. Save a seat for me down there!"  
  


"Not if I could help it , Mr. Stark," Jimmy was somehow carrying two cups of coffee and an umbrella in one hand. He handed the coffee to Tony and opened the umbrella. Tony raised an eyebrow. Jimmy explained,"the weather forecast predicted heavy showers in the afternoon."  
Tony shoved the red sunglasses on as he sipped the coffee,"Anderson is not the God of weather Jimmy. Looks like a sunny day to me". Jimmy snorted,"Anderson's forecasts are never wrong". He went to close the umbrella. "No, no. Keep it up. Gives the right feel",Tony grinned,"Makes me wanna wear a wife beater and change my name to Corleone."  
Jimmy rolled his eyes,"if only it.." the pitter patter started before he could finish,"rained". Jimmy grinned as Tony huffed,"Don't be so smug Bairns. I'm still the boss". Jimmy stepped closer to cover both of them as they made their way out of the cemetery,"Of course boss. You are always right."

________________________________________   


Bucky heaved an exasperated sigh. Jimmy Bairns was supposed to be low profile. Or, as low profile as a P.A. of Tony Stark could be. Was it the baggy clothes? The missing arm? The shuffling gait? The coke bottle glasses that gave him a headache? Whatever it was that announced "Rob me!" ,to idiotic muggers, he wanted to get rid of it, right then. The current idiot didn't even take the safety off the gun he waving at Bucky's face.  
  


It could only be worse if,"Hey fellas! Don't want no trouble with the nice guy, do ya?"ah. There it was. The cheerful voice didn't mask the metallic clang of five hundred pounds of gold titanium alloy landing behind Bucky. Atleast the idiots had enough mind to run away. Iron man hated it when they shot at him. Something about bullet grazes ruining the suit.  
  


"I had them by the ropes", Bucky muttered irritable, as he hiked the messenger bag higher. Doing things with a single arm was tough. Bucky was sorely tempted to wear the bionic arm. If only it hadn't become the signature of Winter soldier..."Of course you did, sweetcheeks", Iron man agreed as he hovered along,"how about I drop you home?" Bucky mentally apologised to Steve for all the times when he had mother-henned him. Bucky doubted he had been as insufferable as Iron man though.  
  


Whether Bucky got mugged, caught up in a shoot out or tangled in a bank robbery, Iron man always popped up. Some of the gossip rags had started calling him 'Iron man's Lois Lane'. Tony had howled with laughter and started calling him Lois no matter how many times Bucky pointed out that a) he wasn't a journalist b) it was a coincidence. Iron man showed up wherever trouble was. It got so bad, Bucky had switched Tony's coffee to decaf. (Tony fell asleep in a quarterly meeting and faced the wrath of Pepper. That had taught him not to rag on his P.A. )  
  


Bucky hailed a cab. Iron man groaned,"You'll ride a filthy cab instead of Air Iron man?! You wound me sweetheart". "The cab won't try to serenade me mid air", Bucky pointed out. "That was one time ", Iron man sounded like a petulant child. Bucky huffed,"Don't you have some terrorist base to blow up? Some drug cartel to break into?"  
Iron man made a wheezy sound that must have been a laugh, "No good hero goes to save the world when his Lois Lane is in danger, sugarplum ." Bucky shot him a dry look as he got into the cab. "Call me!" Iron man hollered before he took off causing a couple of people to cheer.  
  


The public opinion on Iron man was divided. Some thought he was some kind of Zorro. Bucky agreed with Jameson; Iron man was a goddamn menace. His goddamn menace. It did feel good to have someone looking out for him. Not that the Winter soldier, named the hottest villain of the year by Time, needed any protection. (That had led to two separate monologues by Iron man, who had come second. It wasn't Bucky's fault that he had great hair and thighs. Suffice to say SHIELD wasn't a happy camper when it came to them both. )

_____________  


"Don't come in!", Tony scrambled around to get his chest plate on. He hated the clunky plate that spanned his chest. But it wasn't like he could parade around with the naked arc reactor. Only two people had known about it: his best friend and his godfather , who tried to take It out of his chest. And gloated to Tony about having ordered the hit on his parents before his own ironic death by arc reactor. So yeah, trust issues ahoy. And it was Iron man's signature weapon. Tony might as well call up Christine and say, "Hey! I'm Iron man!", himself.  
  


In the rush, Tony knocked down the glass of chlorophyll. The sizzling and sparking of the fried circuits brought Jimmy running, "Mr.Stark! What happened? What.."He squinted at Tony's neck, "are you having an allergic reaction? Did you get bitten?" Tony cursed Bairns' sharp eyes,"eh. It's nothing." Jimmy's eyes narrowed further. (How was that even possible?!)  
  


Tony narrowed his eyes back. This was a high noon shootout and he wouldn't be the cowboy who pulled the gun too slow. Then Jimmy changed tacks and gave him the Look, which included furrowed eyebrows and a semi pout. Tony started chanting in his head 'this is a trap, this is a trap'. "Mr.Stark ", Jimmy sounded so unsure and hurt, Tony broke. Goddamn it. "It's uh, it's the chestplate", Tony mumbled as he fidgeted with the useless circuits. When Jimmy didn't speak , Tony added with a sigh, "The palladium that powers the chest plate is burning out too fast."  
  


Jimmy's eyes widened, "Your chestplate is poisoning you!" Tony shrugged. And turned to look at Jimmy, "Wait. How did you know palladium was poisonous?" Jimmy looked affronted,"I know my chemistry, Mr.Stark." (Of course the Winter soldier knew about poisons. Not something 'Jimmy' could admit to.)  
  


Tony hunched, "I've tried every permutation and combination of every known element. Nothing can replace it. And the medical technology is not advanced enough to take it out of my chest. I'll die without the plate . I'll die with it. So", Tony made a motion with his hand, "Which of my houses do you want Mr.Bairns?" Jimmy shook his head ,disturbing his gelled back hair . Tony wondered how his hair would look without the strict center part and tons of gel.  
  


"I can't do that. That's unprofessional!", Jimmy sounded scandalised. Tony scoffed,"It became unprofessional the day you talked me out of jumping from the SI building." Jimmy put his hand on Tony's shoulder,"That was me being a decent human being. Besides, cleaning out a crime scene was a bit too much for my first week as a janitor at SI." Tony laughed.  
  


"You are my second best impulse hire, Bairns,"Tony looked fond. "Is there nothing we can do?", Jimmy asked quietly. "I've tried everything as far as Howard's notes go," Tony sounded wistful,"it's alright. My will is almost done. Pepper would take care of SI. Rhodey would look after the he...the other stuff. I've talked to Pepper about hiring you as her assistant. Seems she had somebody else lined up. Natalie or Natasha or something. Don't worry. I'll give you a glowing recommendation. She'll hire you on the spot."  
  


"Do they know?", Bucky knew the answer when Tony immediately looked away. He rolled his eyes. Tony was an awfully self sacrificing moron for a self proclaimed 'selfish' genius. "Don't tell anyone!", Tony grasped Bucky's shoulders.  
  


"Erm", Bucky hesitated and Tony turned on the puppy dog eyes,"fine. But you must tell them yourself." Tony grinned, "I will!I will! You are the best Jimmy!" Bucky gave in to the impulse and hugged Tony,"I wish you don't die, Tony." Tony froze and then awkwardly patted him on his back,"me too pal".

  


___________________________

"Freeze! Turn around slowly with your hands above your head!", Tony heaved the shotgun at the midnight intruder. He was very pissed. Some cat burglar had managed to hack into Jarvis. This was a matter of honour.  
  


When the cat burglar turned around Tony regretted coming out in only chest plate and tighty-whities. He doubted a shotgun could take out the Winter soldier. He'd seen the guy dodge bullets from automatic rifles. To Tony's surprise, the Soldier complied.  
  


"Did HYDRA send you to kill me?", Tony was tired and it showed. "..I don't work for them anymore", the confusion radiating off the assassin was so absurd, Tony wanted to laugh. Then he remembered Stane's words. ("All I had to give them was his travel plan and the Winter soldier had him six feet under by Christmas") Tony gripped the gun tighter," You killed my mom."  
  


The soldier tensed,"You know". Tony rolled his eyes,"Stane told me." The soldier hunched in on himself,"I'm sorry". Tony ground his teeth,"Give me one reason not to pull the trigger right now." The soldier looked at him (not that Tony could be sure; those goggles gave him the creeps) and sighed,"You should." Tony's mouth hung open,"Whoa man. Are you alright?" The soldier shrugged. Tony lowered the shotgun and thought about referring the Soldier to his therapist.  
  


Thank God for his therapist. After Stane's dying confession of siccing the fist of HYDRA on his parents, Tony had become suicidal. It got so bad, Rhodey had forced him into seeing a therapist. They had worked out his laundry list of issues so he could grieve properly. He was sure this untimely visit would have ended in homicide if not for those sessions .  
  


It was too damn late for a heart-to-heart. Tony hadn't even had coffee yet. "You broke in to apologise?", Tony threw away the shot gun and went to start the coffee maker, surprising both of them. The soldier shook his head and motioned to a trunk , that seemed to have teleported into Tony's sitting room, without messing up the plush carpet. "You...wanted to give that to me?", this was becoming weirder by the minute.  


"It's yours", the Soldier seemed proud of himself. "HYDRA had that?", Tony approached cautiously, two coffee mugs in hand. 'Property of Howard Stark', was printed in block letters on the lid. The soldier accepted the mugs from Tony," No. SHIELD did."  
"Why would SHIELD have Howard's things?", Tony felt around the lid for a opening. "Ask them yourself", Tony wondered why the Soldier sounded like he gargled gravel. Maybe his voice modulator was shot.  
  


The Soldier placed the mugs on the teapoy and turned. "Thanks ", Tony said grudgingly. The soldier hesitated before nodding. "You don't want coffee?", the soldier tapped at his mask. "Take the thermos", Tony pointed at the Iron man flask that Jimmy bought him as a gag gift,"I need it back though! Or Jimmy would be sad." The Soldier took the coffee and melted away letting Tony freakout in peace.  
  


_____________________________

  


Bucky (Jimmy. He was Jimmy to Tony) found Tony sleeping amidst a destroyed workshop the next morning. He took a photo of Tony drooling over blueprints before waking him up with coffee,"Long night?" Tony blinked at him before reaching out and grabbing the coffee.  
  


Jimmy walked around tidying the place as he waited for Tony's brain to come online,"What did you do Mr.Stark? Take a ray gun to the book shelves?" Tony looked at the smoking bookshelf then at Jimmy ,"I reinvented a new element. I think I did okay". The bookshelf collapsed behind Jimmy. Jimmy shot him a look and Tony looked away whistling.  
  


"On the bright side, I'm not dying any more! Thanks to my new friend's gift. Now that I remember I gotta go sue a shady spy organisation", Tony whirled around. "That's wonderful, Mr.Stark! Wait. New friend?", Jimmy trailed after Tony who was busy creating a new design file. "You aren't the only one with a villainous bestie Bairns. I got my own! He even borrowed my Iron man thermos!", Tony started sketching a helmet.  
  


Bucky gave himself five seconds to scream internally before he got back to being Jimmy. "Mr.Stark are you saying you had a B&E?", Jimmy tried not to sound hysterical. "Not really. He was real quiet. I realised he was there because Jarvis wasn't answering when I talked to him." Jimmy wondered what sort of survival skills Tony possessed, if any at all," And you gave him your thermos."  
  


Tony looked at him like he was being difficult," well, You can't expect the Winter soldier to unmask to drink coffee, can you? I couldn't send him away empty handed after he brought me a gift!" Jimmy looked up as if asking for strength.  
  


"Also", Tony leaned in as if to share a secret," Winter looks edible in that leather. And that arm. Oh Lord ", Tony fanned himself,"I think I might have a teeny tiny crush on him." Meanwhile the Winter soldier/Bucky/Jimmy was having the freak out of the century a few feet away.  
  


Tony turned to look at him," Don't be so surprised Jimmy. Now go get me another coffee. I'm going to make my new friend something." Jimmy nodded before walking away in a daze. He had not seen that one coming.

  


______________________

Tony snuck around the base, retro reflective panels engaged. Iron man could do stealth when he wanted (Take that Winter soldier.) Taking out SHIELD bases was Winter soldier M.O.  
  


But Tony just had the creepiest conversation with Fury. Half of it had been Fury whining at him to make them a suit like Rhodey's War machine and other half was blustering about how those files that Winter had stolen were SHIELD's property and Tony had to return it asap. After that, Tony had been itching to check out a SHIELD base to see what they were up to.  
  


So far, the only interesting thing that Jarvis had picked up at the initial scan was a freezer room at the heart of the facility. Either SHIELD was going into icecream business or they were going to stumble on SHIELD'S top secret room where people who were made to 'vanish' by SHIELD were kept. Tony was blowing the whistle so hard if it was the latter.  
  


"I did not expect that", Tony told the lonely ice block in the centre of the room. The reflection of his repulsor light had brought Tony to investigate the block of ice surrounded by monitors. Turns out , it was the Mighty Shield to which made everyone yield. Tony retracted his helmet and closed it again,"Brr, cold."  
  


"So they found you after all? Howard would have been so pleased. Or not. Seeing you dead might have broken the old man's heart", Tony walked around the block trying to catch a glimpse of the face that decorated his room for years. "Pops spent more time looking for you than with me. He was convinced you were alive! I loved you and hated you in equal parts, you know? You were the measuring scale and I always fell short," the ice melted away under the heat of the repulsors. "But I never wanted to see you dead", within minutes, Tony was left with a wet Captain America.  
  


Tony looked at the face of his childhood hero. He looked so..vulnerable. Lonely. "I'm sorry you died so young. And thank you. For everything ", Tony jerked away when he smelt burning leather. "Oops. Looks like I burned your uniform. Atleast you are nice and warm now. Good bye Cap", Tony saluted him before he flew out of the room.  
  


Tony was ready to call it a night when Jarvis picked up two heat signatures trailing behind him, " Who's there? I've got repulsors and I'm not afraid to use them". A soft 'thwip' and then the shadows moved.

  
  


  
"It's you", Tony exhaled; he'd thought it was Fury. Or worse, Coulson. "What are you doing here?", the winter soldier made his knife vanish into his armor. "Checking out our friendly neighbourhood spy agency. Also. Aren't you a one-man show?" Tony asked as he watched the other heartbeat move around them.  
  


"Sir.." Jarvis started. "Not now J", Tony spied the Iron man flask in Winter soldier's belt, " A fan, I see. Want an autograph?" The soldier scoffed. "Sir you must.." Jarvis started again. "Duck", the Soldier's gun arm moved up. "Where?", Tony asked as Jarvis warned ,"Behind you Sir!" In the ensuing confusion (and possibly due to lack of sleep for the past three days) Iron man turned and took a vibranium shield to helmet and ended up like a overturned turtle, "what the hell ?!"  
  


Meanwhile Winter soldier and Captain America were duking it out nearby. "Who are you?", Tony had never heard Winter soldier sound that furious. The knife was a blur as it swished up and down scoring up the zombie Captain's tattered uniform. "I'm Captain America! ", the guy (zombie? Tony was pretty sure he didn't have a heartbeat ten minutes ago) sounded equally pissed off. "Captain America is dead", the Soldier ground out as he punched the guy in the nose. Tony winced in sympathy.  
  


"Guys? Why don't we sit down and talk it out?", both of them turned to glare at Iron man. Winter used the distraction to punch the zombie Cap. The helmet splintered and blond hair peeked out as the guy was thrown away in the force of the punch . Winter ripped away the helmet and fell to his knees,"Steve?"  
  


Cap looked up with glazed eyes,"Who the hell..." Winter ripped off his goggles to reveal tears,"Steve!" Tony thought he sounded awfully happy. Before any of them could react, Tony heard the voice that he hated with the whole of his being,"Which motherfucking idiot thought he could break in and take Captain America?"  
  


Jarvis showed that the cavalry was just around the corner. Tony acted fast. Grabbing Winter, he blasted out of the base. They stopped by on top of a building and the Soldier started pacing,"We need to get him out."  
  


Iron man folded his arms,"The Captain? Why? SHIELD would be a better place for him than either of our secret lairs." The Soldier turned his steely eyes glare on him,"No". "C'mon man. The SHIELD are the good guys", Iron man waved his hand. "They aren't ", the Soldier sounded so sure. "Look. I know they're annoying and some of their methods are barely legal but they are clean. I've looked into them", Iron man assured him.  


The Soldier scoffed,"Then you don't know what to look for or where." Iron man threw up his hands,"what are you even talking about?" But the Soldier had already disappeared into the night ."Well. That could have gone better", Tony mumbled to himself, "Jarvis? Are you up buddy? We've got a long night ahead of us." "Sir. Is it really wise to hack a government agency on the words of a supervillain?" Jarvis asked. "Let's find out", Tony did love a good hack job 

  


________________________

Tony met Jimmy at the gate next day,"Just the guy I wanted to see. Hop on. We've got a spider problem." Jimmy got into the Spyder, handing Tony his cuppa, "Mr.Stark, why are we heading to," he checked the GPS,"SI?" "Patience Mr.Bairns", Tony's smile made the hair on Bucky's neck stand. Whoever he was going to meet today had Bucky's sympathy.  
  


"Pepper!", Tony blew into his former office, Jimmy in tow. Pepper looked up with a long suffering sigh, " What is it Tony?" Tony propped his feet up at the desk,"What? I can't visit a friend?" The side door opened and a redhead came in who put Bucky on high alert. He was sure he knew her from his brainwashed days. She acted like neither Bucky nor Tony existed as she rounded the desk, file open, "Miss. Potts your sign...", "You're fired", Tony waved her away.  
  


"Tony! ", Pepper had turned red as her hair, "You can't come in and fire my assistant just like that!" Tony slid his glasses down his nose,"Pepper you can't hire spies just like that!" He flipped out his phone and put it on holo display. "Agent Romanoff, also known as Black widow. Or should I say, Natalie?", Tony turned his unpleasant smile on her,"Say what triggered the career change? SHIELD not paying enough? They don't cover medical?"  
  


"Mr.Stark I don't know what you are talking about," the redhead whom Bucky remembered as Natalia gave an unsure laugh as she looked between Tony and Pepper. Tomy swiped the display to Natasha's SHIELD file,"please. Don't play innocent. It's insulting to your intelligence as well as mine." Natasha hid her anger well as she dropped the act,"We suspect you of aiding and abetting international villians, Tony."  
  


Tony barked out a laugh,"Really? That's pot calling the kettle black. Atleast I don't actively recruit HYDRA into my company." Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, "I'm sure your father wasn't HYDRA, Tony." Tony leaned forward, "We both know my father was just the gullible benefactor slash founder of your nasty agency. Can't say the same about the guys involved in Project Insight. Fury might want to look into that," he swiped the display again bringing up blueprints of a massive airborne vehicle. From what Bucky could see, it was bristling with weapons. "Oh wait," the razor smile was back,"Fury doesn't have clearance for that! Who would have thought?"  
  


Natasha's eyes turned cold at the mocking, " What do you want Tony?" Tony leaned back, "Walk out right now and take your bugs with you. I might just forgive you for stealing the hiring algorithm and repulsor blueprints." Natasha chuckled, "Please. As if other people haven't stolen your tech."  
  


"Last time I checked, Iron man wasn't planning on killing a few million at a time using my repulsor and targeting tech", Tony snapped back. "So Iron man has stolen your tech", Natasha sounded triumphant. "How does your boss feel about a law suit for the stunt you pulled, Miss. Romanoff?", Tony was getting impatient.  


"SHIELD can help you get it back from...", Natasha began "You know what SHIELD can help me with? Getting out of my hair. Or do you guys need a budget cut? What do you say, Jimmy?", Tony propped his chin in his hands.Bucky blinked as the three of them turned to look at him"I...". Natasha huffed and turned to the door,"One more thing Agent," Tony called out,"I need your boss to do me a favour."

_________________________

"Hi! Thank you for agreeing to come stay with me. Or you know , I could get your own flat if you want. I could even get you, your old flat back. But I don't think letting you wallow in your misery alone is a good thing. Martha, my therapist, says you should be around people when you are feeling sad. Atleast you can demand cuddles if you are feeling down. I'm babbling. Jimmy, am I babbling?," Steve stared at his new housemate as he turned to face the new person at the door. Tony had been talking non-stop since he picked Steve up at the SHIELD base. Steve didn't mind; it was entertaining.  
  


"I'm afraid you are, Mr.Stark ", That voice sounded awfully familiar. "Ok. I'll shut up now. Wait. I didn't introduce you to Jarvis! Jarvis, say hi", a polite British male voice rang out from the ceiling ,"Hello, Captain Rogers." Tony turned to Steve with a grin, "Jarvis is a computer system and my third born son. He runs this household . You can ask him anything; he'll give an uncensored answer. He's a really good teacher too. He can get you anything you want." Tony strode up to the man who was trying to slip away from the room, "And this is Jimmy Bairns. He keeps me clothed, fed, alive and out of trouble."  
  


Steve's jaw dropped,"Bucky?" Tony nodded, "Yeah. He's like my version of Bucky." Meanwhile Steve crossed the room and was hugging Jimmy,"Bucky!" Bucky was torn between throwing his arms around Steve and acting as Jimmy should. Tony pulled at Steve's shoulder, "Whoa Cap. I dunno how you fellas greeted each other back in the day but there are rules against groping personal assistants nowadays."  
  


"He is Bucky", Steve insisted with a frown. "Cap, if Bucky was alive today he'd be playing Memory Scrabble with Peggy at the old age home. Bucky didn't get the serum remember?", Tony explained. Bucky was thankful Tony didn't talk about his supposed death. Steve didn't look like he could take that.  
  


Steve's face dropped,"he looks so much like Bucky." Tony looked at Jimmy with his hunched posture, thick glasses and missing arm , "Whatever you say big guy. Say, why don't we get you settled down?" And led Steve away. Bucky breathed a sigh of relief; Steve was safe. But this meant he had to be extra careful not to slip up.  
  


__________________  
  


"You really should stop breaking into my house", Tony complained as he padded around the kitchen. The Winter soldier sat stiff as a statue at the table. "One of these days, I'll end up shooting you", Tony added as he got two glasses, "Milk?" The Soldier pushed the Iron man thermos towards him. "Thank you', Tony picked up the flask and opened it, "What is this? Oh. You got me hot chocolate. How sweet! Do you wanna share?"  
  


The soldier looked at him. "Yeah yeah. Mask troubles. I got just the thing to you. Wait here. Don't start without me", Tony scrambled away. Bucky rolled his eyes. His boss was an idiot. Tony came back with a new mask, "I kinda guessed your face size. But this should fit. Look. It's got a slot so you can drink something if you want. With a straw of course", he pressed a button,"and this can double up as a bullet proof helmet! I'm surprised you survived getting shot at so long without a helmet. Wait. Don't tell me. Your hair's bullet proof?"  
  


"No", the soldier said after a pause. Leave it to Tony to worry about the Winter soldier. When he didn't take the mask , Tony added, "Don't worry. This is no-strings attached. No trackers. No surveillance stuff. Trust me. I know how difficult it is to maintain a mask", Tony's smile seemed weary. Bucky never wanted to see Tony look like that again.  
  


Before Bucky could take it, he heard the distinct whistle of vibranium slicing through air. 'Clang' Tony winced as the metal arm shot up to catch the shield millimetres away from the Soldier's face. "Steven", Tony scolded. Steve glared at the Soldier ,"Tony come here". Tony face palmed, " He's my friend" Steve shot him a disbelieving look,"he's a villain."  
  


The Soldier threw the shield at Steve,"Hey no shield throwing in the house! Jimmy would kill me if I broke one more glass object!", Tony planted his fists on his hips. "Tony please", Steve inched forward, "He's dangerous. He knows my name." Tony huffed, "So do I," he threw up a hand, "doesn't mean I'm a villain, does it , Winter?" The Soldier had disappeared while they had been talking.  
  


"Great", Tony groaned, "I hate you." Steve relaxed though the shield arm was sticking out, "No you don't." "You just cockblocked me",Tony whined as he flopped into a chair. Steve looked at him with concern,"Supervillians are not dating material Tony." "Do you even have eyes Steven? Did you look at those eyes and thighs?", Tony sounded incredulous. Steve nodded to himself, "I'm signing you up for Tinder." Tony faceplanted, "You are officially worse than Rhodey."

  


_______________________

Tony shifted base to New York. He, Steve and Jimmy settled into a comfortable routine. Steve went for his morning run and had his breakfast with Jimmy, who showed up at eight o' clock to drag Tony out of the lab and get him to sleep. Tony woke up around three in the afternoon and had a late lunch with Steve after he came back from therapy, art school or SHIELD, depending on his schedule. Tony then popped up at SI with Jimmy to take care of office stuff. All three of them had dinner together before they parted ways.  
  


Iron man and Winter soldier showed up together more often than not. The Soldier sported a new arm and a mask, rumoured to have been made by Iron man. Tumblr was rife with conspiracies of how Iron man was cheating on Jimmy Bairns with Winter soldier. Tony had insisted on buying Jimmy icecream and tissues for his 'tragic break up'. Steve remarked dryly that he was thankful he didn't have to worry about protecting Tony's virtue from super villians.  
  


Life was going smoothly which was the first clue; something big was going to go down. When Coulson broke into the tower with, "We need you Cap", Tony was almost relieved. Tony insisted on tagging along with Steve. Where Tony went, Jimmy followed. Which was how the three of them ended up on the quinjet bound towards the helicarrier.  
  


"Tony", Steve nudged him in the ribs, "Stop giving Phil the stinkeye." Tony leaned over to stage whisper, "He's got a huge crush on you. I've got to protect you." Jimmy snorted as Coulson blushed faintly. Steve rolled his eyes. He pulled at the t-shirt that got stuck on his bicep. Tony had insisted it was the current fashion. Steve doubted it was fashionable to wear shirts two sizes smaller. Atleast the leather jacket that Jimmy had gifted him was comfy and loose.  
  


Once on board, Natasha have them a tight nod before stalking off to lurk. Tony latched on to Dr.Banner and talked his ear off. They started working on a homing device for the Tesseract. Jimmy and Steve brought them food and coffee to keep them going.

_________________________

Steve cursed as he took another blow from Loki. Tony had been right; the uniform that SHIELD had provided him was no better than a Star spangled onesie. Tony had kept asking him to wear an ordinary Kevlar vest or atleast take a few more guns before he went to face off Loki at Sttrutgart. But Steve figured it was going to be an in-and-out job.  
  


As Loki raised the glowy stick, Steve heard the beginning riffs of 'Shoot to thrill'. People cheered as the red and gold streak landed beside Steve. Iron man was here. Loki surrendered and Steve insisted Iron man come with them to secure Loki.  
  


They stood in silence in the quinjet. Steve stared at Iron man wondering why he looked so familiar. "What? Is there something on my helmet?", Iron man turned to look at Steve. "Isn't it suspicious? Loki just giving up?", Steve asked him. "Look Capsicle. One of the first rules of successful villainy is never bring the hero back to your super secret hidey hole. But would Fury listen to me. Hell no," Iron man ranted.  
  


"You woke me up", Steve blurted out surprising both of them. "That day at SHIELD base. You were the one who thawed me", Steve furrowed his brows trying to remember. Then Thor crashed down on the quinjet and off they went to fight again. After they pacified Thor, Iron man flew away saying Steve had more than enough back up with a spy and a God to handle Loki.  
  


_________________  
  


"Steve! Are you alright?", Tony hurried over to check him for injuries, "I don't want to say 'I told you so'. But I did tell you. So..", thus began the rant on the obscenely poor quality of care, SHIELD offered its employees. The only good thing, according to Tony, was that the glow stick was similar enough to Tesseract that they could narrow down their search.  
  


The next morning, a fight broke out after they found the location. Tony wanted to go because it was his tower. Jimmy and Steve were all against it. Bruce supported Steve and Tony was working up towards a full blown rant when Barton blew up the lab.  
  


In the confusion, Tony disappeared (they found he had snuck away in a quinjet) and Iron man showed up to help Steve restart the engine before he blasted away, saying he didn't want to catch 'hero cooties'. The Winter soldier stopped Loki from making a sheesh kebab out of Coulson. But he couldn't stop him from escaping the helicarrier.  
  


When they finally sat down to catch a breath, Fury showed them a news clip of Loki throwing some one who looked suspiciously like Tony from the top of Stark tower. Both Winter and Steve shot to their feet cursing. Thankfully War machine caught the guy and dropped him off at a lower floor.  
  


Winter cursed anew when Iron man showed up at the tower right after. He and Steve nodded in silent agreement before sneaking away to steal a quinjet.  
When they arrived at the scene with Nat and a newly recalibrated Barton, War machine and Iron man were tagteaming a space whale. "Hey hubby", Iron man called out to Winter, who muttered an irritable "Idiot", before he started shooting the aliens.  
  


Thor and Hulk joined them in having a grand old time till Iron man spotted the nuke. "Don't close it! I've got a payload coming", Iron man grunted as he redirected the nuke. "Iron man. That's a one way trip", Steve warned as he signalled Nat to hold.  
"Don't ", Winter warned as Iron man started ascent, "Bye bye hubby. Tell Jimmy I'll miss him." They watched as the nuke disappeared into the portal. Steve waited five seconds before he asked Nat to close it. Winter collapsed to his knees, as if in shock.  
  


He only roused after Hulk brought Iron man back. Steve removed the face plate and, "Tony?!" Steve hugged Tony, armor and all, as he teared up, "Oh my God. Tony. You idiot!" Winter crawled over, tears flowing over his mask and hugged them both. Steve let him.  
  


The Hulk roared and Tony came to with a gasp," Did someone kiss me?" Both Steve and Winter snorted before hugging him tighter. Tony looked at Natasha and Coulson who were both looking at him unimpressed, "What are you going to do? Arrest me?"

  


________________

"You're pissed that I kept my identity a secret so long", Tony complained as he rattled the handcuffs over the deactivated armor. Steve looked at him apologetically as Nat pretended to not hear him. Beside Tony, Loki snorted. "You shut up", Tony snapped, "I'm too pretty to go to prison!"  
  


"You should have thought of that before you became a vigilante, Iron man", Coulson said through the barred window. "I helped save the world!", Tony pointed out, "Ask Steve! " Steve looked like he'd rather be anywhere than the villian transport.  
  


"Phil", Natasha sounded tense. All of them turned to the front. In the middle of the road, Winter stood, in all his leather bound glory. Tony grinned when he felt the snap under the vehicle, "Brace," he mouthed to Steve. The Soldier stepped aside as the van went topsy turvy from the magnetic grenade.  
  


The electrical pulse restarted Tony's suit and he blasted out, picking up Winter. They landed in Stark tower. Winter ripped off his mask and Tony's eyes widened, "Don't ever do that again". With that Jimmy proceeded to eat Tony's face till they were both panting for air.  
  


"Jimmy you bastard", Tony leaned his forehead against his. Jimmy cleared his throat, "actually, my name is James Buchanan Barnes. Or you know. Bucky."He smiled nervously.   
  


Tony choked, " Did I make out with a grandpa?" Bucky snorted, "Please. I read your diary. More like your teenage wet dream." Tony shoved him before they hugged again. Bucky kissed his temple, "What about SHIELD? " Tony shrugged, "that's a battle for another day." Bucky sighed ,"So we're heroes now?" Tony snorted, "Babe. We're villians for life. Just ask Jonah J."  
  


Bucky gave a mental shrug. He could live with that. Now they only needed to figure out how to tell Stevie and Rhodey....

**Author's Note:**

> As neverthelessthesun would say  
> "not to ruin it for you, but uh, they lived happily ever after"


End file.
